if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
