I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
