You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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