The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
