Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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