Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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