I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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