I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
