did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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