Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
