Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize