I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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