ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
