talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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