im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
