did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize