capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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