she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
