is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
