I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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