I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
