you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
