Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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