i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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