How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
