Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
