i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
