you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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