Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
