i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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