peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
