I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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