We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
