omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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