Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
