We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
