South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
