if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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