Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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