He kissed a someone with a penis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
