dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
