did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize