When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
