Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
