Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
