i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
