do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
