So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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