So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize