i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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