I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
