I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
