dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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