I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
