I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
