her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
