It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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