It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
