just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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