Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
