I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
