Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
