I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
