You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
