8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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