Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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