Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
