Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
50% drunk capacity currently
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
